take my trip to china for instance. i was dreading that trip. the flight, the food, the sleeping quarters, everything. and look what i got.
i'd say that it was. . .the trip of a lifetime.
my family hasn't gone on a vacation all together since i was 15, so needless to say i was pretty nervous about our closeknit time together in colorado/new mexico. i threw my best friend a surprise party the night before our departure, ended up sleeping too late, and was worried that i was going to wreak havoc on an otherwise relaxing vacation for the rest of my family.
however, i arrived to the airport to two happy, smiling, excited parents ready to start this adventure with me. (even though, as usual, i wasn't punctual.) they were anxious to hear about the surprise party, what was going on in my life, and what my plans were post-vacation. what great parents i have. when arrived at our destination and met my independent, kickass sister who greeted us with open arms, ready to show us the ins and outs of her digs.
i always find myself a bit envious of my sister. she always seems to have her shit figured out and in order. she's quite headstrong--in the most positive way, and recently, i've been seeing myself in some of the things that she's taught me. (makes sense, right? after all, we are plagued with that mathsen scowl, together, why not share some other traits?) anyway, after showing us around and doing a little driving around downtown denver, we headed to kiri's place for an evening of wine, beer, and some tasty food. my parents and i could hardly keep our eyes open--a long day of traveling was behind us and a new day of traveling was ahead of us. so, we retreated to our downtown hotel, set our alarms, and headed to bed, eagerly anticipating our arrival in red river, new mexico, the following day.
let me tell you, i am a minnesota girl. totally. born, bred, and love it. new mexico has it's beauty, oh yes it does, but i am a minnesota girl. that being said, being in the mountains gives me that familar feeling of being so minute, so small, and so blessed. i've been saying over and over again since i got back from china, "i want that feeling back", "i want to feel that again". well folks, there you have it. it's back! the song that my heart was singing in china, that i thought had gone missing has been here all along. and i still remember all of the words to my heart's song!
i am thrilled about where i am in this life. absolutely thrilled. i have had those moments, well, actually lately i have been drowning in those moments where i feel like i am suffocating; i can't get enough air because i'm suffocating in these silly problems that are just that in reality. silly.
i have been surrounded by such beautiful people lately. these people lift me up and make me feel good about who i am and what i'm doing. i feel better than i have in ages. i feel so full of life--independent and free, and absolutely okay with that. there is nobody out there who can take better care of me than myself. and while that might change when i meet mr. right or whoever the hell he is (if he's out there, even) i'm just fine taking care of me. i answer to myself, i tuck myself in, i do my own thing. and i love it. absolutely. i am taking full advantage of it.
so thank god for those things that i don't ask for but receive. prayers are answered in such funny ways sometimes. i prayed to feel whole again, i prayed for so many things. . .and even though i got them in an inadvertant way: here they are.
fight the good fight,
+kaia
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