those sweet words.

what did you say?
i know i saw you singin'
my ears won't stop ringin'
long enough to hear those sweet words
what did you say?

end of the day
the hour hand has spun
before the night is done
i just have to hear those sweet words
spoken like a melody

oh your love is a lost balloon
rising up through the afternoon
'til it could fit on the head of a pin

come on in
did you have a hard time sleeping?
'cause the heavy moon was keeping me awake
and all i want is
i'm just glad to see you again

i don't know what my obession with norah jones has been ignited by lately.  her music calms me, soothes me, and brings me right back to where i should be.  i was in 8th grade when i first heard her (thanks to my big sister) so maybe it's that same nostalgia that i often get in my heart when i listen to her music. 

tonight was such a good night.  it was calm and i felt like a little adult as i went to trader joe's to get cheese, bread, and wine and then shared that bottle of wine with my good friend, shannon.  as the passage of time continues, i realize that i appreciate the small things, the little spur of the moment evenings even more than i used to.

the evenings spent with a book, the candles lit, and a bottle of wine are those that i cherish more than the nights spent being at a party or at the bar.  my mother would be so happy to read this! 

i'm learning so much about myself lately.  i keep saying "i've been realizing this about myself lately. . ." and let me tell you, i am overjoyed at the things i am learning about myself and about the life that i lead.  sure, there are those days that are filled with so much doubt and pain that i can barely stand it, but those are now outnumbered by those days when i am infused with confidence and can hold my head up high. . .high enough to be convinced that i'm going to be okay.  okay no matter what decision i make, as long as it's for me.  it's so strange to have this mindset and it's so strange to understand myself on such an intimate level.  i used to think that i wanted someone else to know me like the back of their hand, but in reality, the person i was searching for was me.

i want myself to know me better than anyone else.  i'm the only one that knows my needs and aspirations, i'm the only one who is confident enough to live my life.  and to give someone else the power to give me that confidence was toxic.  now, i'm okay giving it to myself and i'm okay by myself.  there was a period where i was so dependent on someone else--whether that be a significant other, my parents, or my friends.  now, i'm just fine.  i'm fine going home on a friday night to read a novel instead of joining the crew at the bars.  i'm fine doing the mundane tasks of everyday--grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning my bedroom. . .i actually find a bit of joy in the mundane.

maybe this is an answer to my prayers?  or maybe i got something that i never asked for?  but i'm going to keep praying that God continues to bless me with a feeling of contentment in my life.

all i know is i cherish my friends and family (and my dog) more than anything.  everything else is just details.  those details can be stressed over--or, i can continue to live without stressing about the things that are so silly and minor. 

i'm happy--sincerely happy with the way that my life is going.  the direction that it's going and the things i'm learning on the way.  whether they be painful and mundane, exhilerating and so exciting, or. . .simple.  i'm learning to embrace it all.  that is something i've been searching for for such a long time.  and while i'm sure there are going to be days where it will be dormant and i will be so damn pissed off and irritated. . .i'm going to enjoy it before it slips through my fingers.

novemeber starts next week.  what the hell has happened to this semester?  people always say that senior flies by. . .i guess i haven't believed it until now.  i can't believe that i'm about to be embarking on the 22nd year of my life and my last year in college.  there are so many memories and so many wonderful experiences i've had at college, the least of which is this journey i've been on for the past 6 months.  i know i will look back on this time as a time of healing and excitement and will cherish the memories that i have about this particular time in my life. 

she's got a way about her
i don't know what it is
but i know i can't live without
she's got a way of pleasin'
don't know why it is
but there doesn't have to be a reason, anyway

she's got a smile that heals me
don't know why it is
but i have to laugh when she reveals me
she's got a way of talkin'
don't know why it is
but it lifts me up when we are walking anywhere

she comes to me when i'm feelin' down
inspires me
without a sound
she touches me
and i get turned around

she's got a way of showin'
how i make her feel
and i find the strength to keep on going
she's got a light around her
and everywhere she goes
a million dreams of love surround her
everywhere.

so here's to this year:  the ups and the downs, the journey, all that i'm learning, and to those of you that have been with me through all of it.  thank you.  please continue living and supporting this crazy life that i have with me.  cheers to you.

fight the good fight,
+kaia