my best friend is asleep on the floor after a couple glasses of wine and a delicious dinner of baked eggplant lasanga. she's cuddled up with my puppy as i'm playing norah and have my footie halloween pajamas on. the candles are lit and my insence is burning. it was a relaxing night. a little bit of studying mixed with fun.
my life. . .oh, my life. i'm so ready to be done with the college lifestyle, but while i'm sick and tired of it, i also know that someday i will look back and somehow miss it. i hosted a party this past weekend and it was an interesting night to say the least; fun was had, but at the end of the night, i was ready to put in a movie and go to sleep. maybe i'm growing up? maybe i'm just coming into my own.
i had a conversation with a close friend about my single lifestyle lately. . .and when i said the words "i'm completely fine being alone" there was no doubt or angst in my voice for the first time in a very long time. it's so interesting starting a life for yourself. of course there are important people included--but these are people that i choose. i choose who comes into my life and who isn't invited or welcomed in. for the first time since i was probably about 6 i've decided who i let in, what my likes and dislikes are, and who i want to be. it's a revelation i won't soon forget--tonight, i actually cooked. and it was quite theraputic. it took forever, and i was ravenous when the food was finished, but i felt so good about it. good about the healthy food i was making, and good about the food i was offering to my best friend.
there are so many things in this life that we do and don't cherish. small things. little victories. moments throughout the day that make that day worth it. tonight was one of those victorious nights. yes, i'm done with studying and college life. but, this is where i am. so, tonight, i embrace where i'm at and instead of revelling in the future, i will go to bed with the assurance that i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be.
however, i do hope for the future. i hope that one day, i can share a bottle of wine with my husband while the kids are out at their perspective enjoyments (whatever they are). i hope that i will have norah jones on my $500 bose stereo and that i will jump into bed (a serta select matress) with the assurance that i am safe with a guy who loves me and cherishes me and our life together. i hope that i will have a wonderful classroom full of children with open minds that i will be able to help with whatever they are going through at the moment. i hope that i will live in a quaint bungalow with wood floors and good homey smells. i hope that i will be incredibly happy, but most of all, i hope that i will have joy with whatever God has planned for me.
one thing is for certain--whatever it is, it's in the plan. i can hope, wish, dream about whatever i want. but there is a bigger plan out there for me. one that will allow me to be happier than i could ever imagine. it will come.
but for now, this is what i have. and i am so grateful. shannon is snoring on the floor--izzy is fast asleep beside her. and i, i sit and dream about the future that is coming so quickly.
enjoy today. know that you are loved. be at peace.
fight the good fight,
+kaia
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