and we'll all float on, okay :)

I backed my car into a cop car the other day.
Well he just drove off, sometimes life's OK.
I ran my mouth off a bit too much, oh what did I say?
Well you just laughed it off, it was all OK.

And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on OK.
And we'll all float on OK. And we'll all float on anyway.

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam.
It was worth it just to learn some sleight of hand.
Bad news comes, don't you worry even when it lands.
Good news will work its way to all them plans.
We both got fired on exactly the same day.
Well we'll float on, good news is on the way.

i was in the car the other day after a really horrible week. i was playing the cd game (playing cd's that i made when i was in high school, or younger) and modest mouse's "float on" came on my beautiful car stereo. if you know me, you know that i'm a sucker for song lyrics, good magazine articles, and quotes. i just love them. i feel empowered after i read some of them, some of them solely serve the purpose to make me recognize how silly i'm being. life isn't all bad. my favorite line of this song "bad news come, don't you worry even when it lands. good news will work it's way to all them plans. . .good news is on the way."

i miss the time in my life where i was the carefree girl, dancing in front of the picture window to "joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat" soundtrack and being the little diva that i perceived myself to be. where did loving child go?

i was joking with a girlfriend last night during our class--augsburg's special education department is really big on making us soon to be teachers reflect. i'm not kidding you, i'm really good at reflecting. it has moved from my professional life into my private life, so much so that i am reflecting on each and every event that happens. i'm realizing and becoming more cognizant of so many things. i was starting to get irritated with myself--it's kind of annoying going back and analyzing so many parts of your life. but there is so much more to be said about it--it forces me to recognize the many blessings and parts of my life that i've taken for granted. that child that i used to be. . .she's in there somewhere. i'm still the same person, i look at pictures of myself (proudly displayed in my room to keep me grounded...me, in a swimsuit, wearing goggles. yikes!) and realize that she's me. that playful girl whose life was put to a soundtrack (that i made) every day.

a family friend died a couple of weeks ago. a WWII vet, a great man, 92 years old, an amazing friend and mentor to me. i was really upset about his death and was grieving opening with my dad shortly after we found out about it. my dad made a comment that i will keep with me forever. . ."sing your way through this". now, i am all about choral music, so can you guess what i did? i got in my car to drive back up to the city, turned on "great hymns of faith" volume one, and i wailed. i sang so hard my lungs were on fire. as i was doing so, i felt like that little girl again. the little girl who sang herself through pain and sorrow, joy and exhilaration. the girl who threw her head back and laughed when something was funny. the little girl with no inhibitions--dancing underneath the oak trees and our family home in blooming prairie, not minding if anyone saw her or thought of her and her crazy self.

so now, i begin my quest. to find that little girl inside of me, wherever she is. i know she's there somewhere. little pieces of her come out on a daily basis--whether it's in an inappropriate comment i make about poop, or me getting yelled at from other cars to turn down "joseph and the technicolor dreamcoat" (that actually happened).

so here i am. searching again. searching for that little singer, that little inhibited curly girl.

we'll all float on, okay :) here goes nothing. . .

fight the good fight,
+kaia