call me crazy, i know you want to. i started "eat, pray, love" again. a family friend gave it to me on audio disc, so now, when i'm in the car, i have elizabeth gilbert herself, quietly reading her memoir to me, giving me peace and strength on a sometimes quite stressful road.
i listen, and when i come across a phrase or word that i recognize, i recite aloud with this audacious author. i'm able to re-connect with the words that i have grown to love so dearly. in a conversation with my aunt, i recognized the familiar feelings of contentment and peace that bring me an open mind and a drive to succeed and to learn.
i'm entering into my last year at augsburg. actually, today, the 10 month journey begins. where does the time go, i always ask myself. i can remember being so upset as each year passed because time was out of my grasp and i always felt like it went to quickly. time is sort of like a thief--it tricks you into waiting and wishing for things, when mostly, you have what you really need. time tricks you in to thinking you've got it lasso-ed, when in reality, it slips away and is gone before you can take another breath.
i don't want to let time slip through my fingers this year. this is it, my last year of waking up hung over or staying up late to finish a conversation with my best friend. after this, the working world starts--i begin my quest to change the world of special education. (i definitely won't be able to do this with under 6 hours of sleep). next year, my new journey begins. my transition from college student to working adult with begin with a metamorphosis of new clothes--things that appropriate for teaching high school students rather than the beloved "bar shirt" that i own. my metamorphosis will also come with new ideas, new bulletin boards and the same fall weather that i am feeling right now.
in a year--this journey begins. but right now, the journey is coming to a close. a journey that has been filled with so many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, failures and triumphs. i'm such a nostalgic person. this morning, i went to chapel and as we sang "be thou my vison" i had a movie montage style movie reel going through my head of all of my firsts here at augsburg. and i know that this time next year, that same familiar movie montage will be playing all of my lasts here.
this place has been so amazing for me. it has changed me, and molded me into. . .well, me. before i was an auggie, i didn't have a damn clue who in the sam hell i was. and no, i haven't gotten it all figured out yet--but i have such a strong foundation now, deeply rooted in the things i've learned about love and service, joy and understanding people and the way that they are. augsburg has ignited such a fire in me that i will be forever debted to it for. (but if you read this 20 years from now and you're a student caller, asking for money, save it. . .i'll be broke then, too!)
so now, i sit. i sit in peace and look forward to the journey ahead. i recognize that kaia, me, is now my friend. i can love her, or i can fight her. i can fight with her, tooth and nail for each individual thing that i want to accomplish this year, or, i can fight against her, trying to decipher my way through the year without the woman that this summer i have become so friendly with.
it has been a rough summer--and i'm not going to lie and say i'm sad to see it go. with the hot weather goes my anxiety and angst, and also that burrow in my brow that made me frown with such sorrow and uncertainty all summer long. i'm saying adios to all that negative energy, and embracing the fact that i am an everchanging individual rooted in a never-changing God who will embrace my and all of my quirks for as long as eternity goes for.
the ending of my journey marks running into old friends, making new ones, and establishing myself before my first year of teaching. i get to do that one more year of growing with augsburg as i say goodbye to this place that has truly been my home for 4 years.
it's not even over yet--so, i better get started, eh?
fight the good fight,
+kaia
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