i have had a surprising revelation in the last week.

by the very admission of my own struggle--i have found some kind of peace.  in a discussion with my ever wise grandmother, i found some of the answers that i have been searching for right here inside of myself.

i would never admit this to anyone else--(well, i suppose that's exactly what i'm doing...) but a lot of the things that i have been yearning and searching for are right within myself or my family.

for instance.  this weekend i got so much joy and appreciated my life and those in it twice over when i got to have lunch with my grandma, mom, and all of her sisters.  i laughed with them and watched these amazing women talk about what worries them at their point in life, how they got to be where they are, and the struggle it takes to figure out who you really are.  i listened to my grandma talk about all of the various things that she has done in her lifetime and i guess i never really realized how kick ass she has been in her journey.  i'm serious--some of the things she talks about having done, i can't believe it!  she is a powerhouse. 


i know that there are people who don't have strong relationships with their parents and for some reason that makes me so sad.  i wish that everyone could have loving, compassionate, understanding parents who are able to really get it.  this is not to say that my parents get it all the time; however, they do their best to truly understand what's going on, how we can fix it, and go from there.

after this, i got to skype with my sister.  skyping is a lot different than talking on the phone because you can actually see the person.  it was so great to get a "tour" of her apartment and talk to her about school and my plans for after graduation.  she's three years older than me so it's interesting to get her perspective about my plans for next year.  (i also like that she laughs at all of my jokes, silly as they may be)

this weekend i will go to our family birthday party and be surrounded with family who are interested in my plans, what i'm doing, and where i'm going.  do you know how complete that makes me feel?  i am so blessed to have such a caring and huge family to be with. 

so, my conclusion is that i have a lot of what i've been searching for has been right in front of me.  all of these unanswered prayers have been around for the majority of my life.  i just haven't appreciated them.  i have taken them for granted.  i don't want to do that anymore. 

no, take that back.  i won't do that anymore.

fight the good fight,
+kaia