i've received two valentine's in the mail this week.  both are from my grandparents. 

my mom's parents simply said "WE LOVE YOU!"  which was more than enough and so fitting for the day that is meant to be (more) filled with love than any other day.  naturally, i was already well aware of their love, care, and concern for me; especially since over the past 6 months they have been there for me beyond the measure of my imaginings.

my dad's parents valentine was a bit more lengthy.  my grandma wrote to me about how great i am going to be at teaching.  while i'm not certain i will be great at it everyday, her confirmation and words of affirmation were sure comforting.  i see so much of my self in her--even in the way that she writes a valentine.  strictly to the point--however, filled with so much emotion.  she wrote about how big of a blessing i am.  and how blessed i am to be a blessing.  how fitting.  how true.  my grandpa ended this particular valentine with "go for it, girl!"  as he ages, his sense of humor and understanding become even more ripe. 

i am blessed with a damn beautiful family.  i often wonder why so many families are in turmoil and then i remember the times that my own have been in those situations.  however, today i am grateful for my loving, compassionate, and supportive family.  i am so blessed to have an army of people to love and support me.  i have been seeing so much of them in my own actions and thoughts lately.  maybe as i age, my family "convictions" become stronger.  i find myself reveling in the things i am finding out about myself that solidify the fact that i belong in these families. 

for instance.  that famous "mathsen scowl" that i affectionately talk about.  my sister's got it, i sure as hell have it, and my dad has mastered it.  i fondly look back at my childhood and mimicking my grandfather's stoic stare as the grandkids played in the mud, left the door open when the air conditioner was on, or tried to get us all to sing christmas carols around the piano when nobody wanted to.  i cherish now those moments--those moments of "turmoil" when that mathsen scowl was ever present on all of our faces, but that scowl that made us a family.  even now, i am choked up to think about how we are all aging and everyone has moved onto their own lives...but we are still grounded in that scowl. 

another example--my grandma jamieson's relentlessness.  i mean this in the best sense of the word.  i have come to the realization lately that each and every one of the members of my family could take a lesson from her in this.  her perseverance in just about everything is astounding.  she does a kick ass job at everything that she does and she does it with pride.  we make "marge" jokes often--in such a loving sense--this woman has worked long and hard for everything that she has.  she is the glue that holds us together...those monthly birthday parties that we often loathe going to or planning but afterward are glowing because we all got to be together...those wouldn't happen without her.

my grandpa jamieson's kind, soft, and gentle way.  my grandma mathsen's compassionate soul and ever accepting presence.  my auntie kari's curly hair.  my auntie rita's beautiful singing voice.  my growing relationship with my mother's sisters.  my cousins--my god--my cousins.  look at us all now--hairstylists, doctors, teachers, social workers, students...all grounded in the God that gave us the example to love each other, forgive each other, and most of all stay together. 

need i go into the things i am grateful within my own family?  i sound like a broken record here.  my mother has inherited most of the kick ass qualities from both of her parents while still staying true to some genuine qualities she's acquired along the way. calling her at the end of a long day is the remedy to any anxiety or distrust that i have.  her comfort and reassurance have kept me going for days on end.  i'm proud to say that we have become best friends (through much of that turmoil i talked about earlier).  my dad has been my best friend since the day i could talk.  always, always, always, interested in what i have to say (unless it's about my credit card bill)...and always filling me with the hope and promise of Christ.  my sister--who fought with me tirelessly about the clothes i stole or the sunless tanner of hers that i used, has become one of my most trusted confidants.  her input and evaluation of my choices are irreplaceable.

i stress so much.  about absolutely everything.  tonight, i go to bed with my valentine's by my side.  as a reminder that i am loved.  i am grounded in such a strong faith.  i am blessed with an amazing nuclear family and an even more astounding extended family.  so, i press on to tomorrow.  reassured, comforted, and faithful. 

"Stay with us, Lord Jesus, stay with us.  Stay with us, it is soon evening.  Stay with us, Lord Jesus, stay with us--it is soon evening and night is falling.  Jesus Christ, the world's true light, shine so the darkness cannot overcome it.  Stay with us Lord Jesus it is soon evening.  Stay with us Lord Jesus for night is falling.  Let your light pierce the darkness and gleam with glory on your church.  Stay with us, Lord Jesus, stay with us.  Stay with us, it is soon evening.  Stay with us Lord Jesus, stay with us--it is soon evening and night is falling.  Amen." 

fight the good fight,
+kaia