Letting Go

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?"
— Mary Manin Morrissey

i'm sitting in houston drinking a glass of red wine, among great company, smiling, laughing, feeling really good about life and looking forward to going back to st. paul and getting life back in order before school starts.

after a whirlwind weekend, ten thousand emotions, and a little frustration and angst along the way, i'm ready to let it all go, release it all and let go of the pain of this trip. it has been painful...returning to a place that i thought would remain unchanged and realizing that it does go on. people change, ideas change, and the perception of who i am or who i was changes as well. i was so sad about it, so distraught at the fact that this place in my memory no longer exists as a place of escape for me.

but, instead of harboring those emotions and dwelling on the pain that i have encountered in the days since i left minnesota, i'm going to look forward. someone once told me "look at life through the windshield, not the rear view mirror" and as the quote above states, i'm going to let go. i waste so much energy each and every day on holding on to this that simply do not matter. we hold onto these things, comments that were made, things that were done, as if they hold value you. and you know what? the pain that holds us back have no value. none. the only thing this pain and these negative emotions are doing for me is making me feel worse about a life that is actually pretty great.

this place will remain a blessing, a beautiful place in my memory. i danced, i sang, i laughed, and boy did i have a blast. the pain that i encountered there now doesn't exist. it's gone. that anchor has been pulled up, i'm looking forward.

i'm looking forward to my last year of college, delving into everything that is augsburg. i'm looking forward to a new year, a fresh start. new friends, new ideas, the prospect of new jobs. i'm looking forward to getting my own place, a new dog. i'm looking forward to a winter, to christmas, to fire, new books, time with my family. i'm looking forward to laughing and learning and most of all, loving.

will i wish the present away? no. i want to look forward, but also enjoy today. today is what we have. tomorrow is uncertain. so, while i can wish and plan and hope, today is what i have. so, for today, i'm letting go of the pain, the anxiety, the sadness that i've recently felt. i'm done. i'm over it. i'm letting it go.

what are you going to let go of today?

fight the good fight,

+kaia